A Story of An Affair
by Roofran411
Summary: The first of a trilogy under the general heading Zen and me. This is Tania's story of the man who briefly passes through her life.


ZEN and ME: Tania 

A Story Of An Affair

This is the first story in the Trilogy, Zen and MeWhen I read that Rufus Sewell was to play the part of Aurelio Zen, I read all the books. After seeing the three feature length films, I knew it would not be very long before I wrote my own Fan fiction stories. My friend Numbatstuff wrote a story about the three women mentioned in the films and this spurred me into writing about them.

Michael Dibdin is the creator of the delightful belongs to Michael.

Like the characters in my other stories, I have only borrowed Aurelio.

Andy Harries and his team took him and adapted him to suit their films. I just have taken what I wanted from Michael's books and Andy's work and twisted and turned them, changing times and conditions to fit my stories.

I have not written about Zen's cases as these stories are about Zen as seen through the eyes of the women who pass through his life.

As the title suggests, this story is rather steamy. If you think this is not to your taste, please do not read it.

In the three films Tania is played by subtly and voluptuously Caterina Murino.

.

Torn Between Two Lovers sung by Macgregor Mary is the song which I feel fits this story perfectly.

.

Torn Between Two Lovers 

There are times when a woman must say what's on her mind,

Even though she knows how much it's going to hurt.

Before I say another word, let me tell you, I love you.

Let me hold you close and say these words as gently as I can.

There's been another man

That I've needed and I love.

But that doesn't mean I love you less

And he knows he can't possess me

And he knows he never will

It's just this empty place inside of me that only he can fill.

Chorus 

Torn between two lovers

Feeling like a fool,

Loving you both is breaking all the rules.

.

You mustn't feel you failed me

Just because there's someone else

You were the first real love I ever had.

And all the things I ever said

I swear they are still true

For no-one else can have the part of me I gave to you.

Chorus

Torn between two lovers

Feeling like a fool,

Loving you both is breaking all the rules.

.

Couldn't really blame you

If you turn and walk away

But with everything inside me

I'm begging you to stay

Torn between two lovers feeling like a fool,

Loving you both is breaking all the rules.

Loving you both is breaking all the rules.

* * *

><p><span>A Story of an Affair<span>

.

I stood in front of the mirror in the bedroom of my new flat and looked at my equally new lover.

I had made it very clear that I would not sleep with him until I had a flat, a nice flat, in a nice area, and if he couldn't help me, there were others who were willing.

At least I hadn't put it that way. Not quite! But he knew there was a book on who would be first to sleep with me and that Vincenzo Fabri was in the lead. Even if he knew that Vincenzo had no chance, it didn't harm for him to know there could be others. And now, I had a flat, smart, and elegant in a smart elegant area of the city.

And a lover!

He was lying on the bed, propped on one elbow watching me.

He was in his underwear, vest and pants in a khaki grey which flatters our honey coloured Italian skin tones.

He is tall and slim, broad but not in the muscularity of the gym goer. His hair is dark, thick and curly with little sparkles of silver although he is still only forty. He is quite beautiful, totally masculine but beautiful, a long straight nose, high cheekbones and sculptured lips. He has the most incredible eyes, candid, humorous, cynical yet vulnerable, honest. Large eyes, green with the longest lashes, lashes that any woman would kill for.

.

I am married, have been for ten years, the last five of them unhappily, and now I am separated from my husband.

We had married young, because I was pregnant. It was means of getting out of my family home.

Oh! I had been in love with Luca and he with me. I was a junior typist and he a car mechanic. We got our own place; both sets of parents had said live with us, but I knew we would never get out if we did.

When I lost the baby, I knew there would be the constant nagging too.

"When are you going to have another baby, Tania?"

I was ambitious. I wanted more, more money, better job, and better flat, better than the social housing flat we had beside the motorway.

So when my husband wanted to stop using condoms, I agreed but went on the pill.

He didn't know.

I worked hard, changed jobs, always moving upwards, always striving for promotion in my work.

I could hear them, our families.

"Oh Tania has such a good job...no, no babies."

I joined the civilian staff of the Polizia.

I loved it, it made me feel important.

My husband was content with our life. I was not. As I said, I wanted more. Our marriage disintegrated slowly. Sex was never a problem. We were always physically attracted to each other but we communicated less as my ambition in my job and to improve our status grew. In the end, sex was all that kept us together and even that was deteriorating as his jealousy grew and it was getting difficult even to leave the flat.

I decided I would leave him and get a divorce.

The man on the bed was the means of our separation.

Not the cause.

I met him when I was assigned as P.A to Superintendant Mascati, Chief of Detectives.

He is Aurelio Zen, Detective Chief Inspector, of the Murder Squad, Questura di Roma. He has a reputation throughout the Rome police dept, for honesty and incorruptibility but although I had heard of him, I had never met him until I changed departments.

The Murder Squad was full of men wanting to shag any new secretary and I knew there was a book already opened on who would be the first to shag me.

I wasn't interested in any of them.

My name is Tania Moretti; I am thirty-two years old.

I am tall and have full heavy breasts, and a narrow waist which from which my hips flare out. My breasts had developed early. Men like them. I learnt that at an early age; my cousin taught me. I was 14 and he was 15. I suppose we taught each other.

I learnt then too, that I like men.

It was another cousin who took me further, I kept pushing him away until I realised I wanted wasn't long before it were both desperate to do it. We lost our virginity in our Nonna's kitchen on her table while she was watching TV. I was 16 and he frightened ourselves to death; but not for long. It lasted till he went to do his army service.

There was no-one then, until I met my husband, Luca.

No shagging! I mean.

There was petting, heavy petting usually.

That was how I learnt how much power I had over men.

It wasn't by letting them touch whenever they wanted.

More... a hint of a promise.

I've had lovers since I was married: brief flings when I have been away at conferences, two or three brief affairs with people I have worked with but not since I started at the Questura.

I enjoy sex and the fact that Luca and I were still attracted physically to each other and that he was good in bed, held us together long after it should have finished. That and the fact I had no place to go.

I wanted a nice place but I had no means of getting one or even affording one. I was not going to leave to go to some awful dump somewhere worse.

I met Zen in the lift one morning.

I had settled into the department while he had been away for a few weeks on a case.

We nodded Good Morning to each other.

I did not know then who he was but an immediate spark shot down to my groin and I could tell he felt it too.

God! He was good-looking and he had a good body.

We looked away from each other as the lift stopped and we both got out.

I walked down the corridor to my office and as I booted up my computer, I looked through the opened connecting doors down to the Murder Squad's office and saw him go to his desk.

So that was Zen.

His reputation went before him. He was clever, astute and had been instrumental in securing several convictions but in a world of corruption and backhanders, his honesty and integrity annoyed and irritated both his colleagues and superior officers. He had been promoted more than once only for his quirkiness to knock him down again.

I must say nobody had mentioned his looks.

In the next few weeks, the other detectives touched, pinched, brushed up against me and chatted me up and the odds went up and down.

Zen was always pleasant to me. Only pleasant.

He went away once or twice on a couple of cases.

.

I asked about him discreetly. A question here and there.

He was married but separated.

His mother lived with him but he wasn't a mummy's boy. He had brought her from Venice to live with him.

He didn't have a girlfriend and if he'd had affairs, no-one knew about them.

The odds on him scoring were so high, that eventually he was scratched.

.

.My home situation was worse. We were rowing more; Luca was jealous of my job, even my time.

The incessant rows were wearing me down.

I sussed out my cousin to see if he knew someone who could talk to me about a separation but it was so difficult for me to get out in the evening.

I brooded about it.

What I needed was someone to help me to get out to meet this lawyer.

I have always been able to persuade men to help me.

I needed someone above suspicion and who would not expect anything back.

Maybe Zen?

I was leaning against the wall outside the Questura, smoking a cigarette before going into work, thinking about this, when he crossed the road, his hands in his pockets, and joined me.

"Can you spare me one?" he said. "Mine are upstairs."

We smoked in silence for a while.

God, he was beautiful; I could feel the pull of attraction. We turned toward each other and started to talk at the same time.

"No" he said. " You go on. "

So I took the plunge.

"Inspector Zen "

"Aurelio."

"Aurelio, would you do me a favour?"

"Yes"  
>"You don't know what it is yet."<p>

"It doesn't matter."

So I explained. I needed to get out one night but my husband... things were not good between us: it was difficult.

"So I thought if someone ... if you ...could ring me from the office, calling me back to work." I trailed off.

"Sure, sure." he said. "Tonight?"

"You will?"  
>"Sure. "<p>

We finished our cigarettes and went into the office together. We parted to go to our offices but when I looked down through the opened dividing doors, he was looking at me, we smiled. I looked down at my papers and looked up again, he was still watching me. There was that jolt again and my nipples ached.

.

Luca and I were in the middle of another row when the phone rang .We didn't answer but let the answer phone pick it up. It was on loudspeaker, so we both heard the message.

"This is Detective Chief Inspector Zen, Murder Squad, Rome Questura, for Signora Tania Moretti. All staff recalled to base immediately. Repeat all staff return to base immediately. Message timed at 18.55pm." Luca snatched up the phone

"What the hell is this? She's only just got home and you are calling her back." he yelled down it.

Clear as a bell I heard Zen answer, "I don't like myself, mate but that's the job."

I grabbed my coat and bag and left, Luca's imprecations following me.

I didn't care.

I was out.

As I left our building, a car flashed its lights and slowly came up to me.

It was Zen.

"Get in."

"What are you doing here?"

"I thought you might need a lift. "

"Oh there's no need."

"Get in; I'm going back to town."

I got in.

"How did you know where I lived?"

"I'm a detective, remember? Your address is on file." He smiled at me and there was that shot of fire between my legs again. Oh God!

"I heard your message. It was very good, very authentic. I believed you myself."

I thought I had better explain: despite his protests that he didn't want to know.

I knew he was lying.

He did want to know.

"I don't believe you now. "

He smiled ruefully, "Well, only if you want to tell me."

"You're a nice man" I thought, and said so.

He smiled again, "I'm just an ordinary sort of bloke."

That's the last thing he was.

So I told him the truth: that I was meeting someone who could advise me about a separation from my husband.

I was a little out of breath; we talked now and then till we got back to town and he dropped me outside a cafe.

Inside my cousin was waiting and we left to meet his lawyer friend and we discussed my separation.

When we were finished, I sat with Tony, my cousin, in his car and talked. Then he turned towards me and kissed me, not cousinly, open mouthed, and his hand slid inside my coat.

"Tony" I protested.

"Come on, Tania, it's not like we haven't done it before." His hand was moving, squeezing. "I taught you to like it. "

"We were 15. We're cousins! You're married. "

"We were cousins then, too. So I'm married and so are you. Come on, I'm not asking for a shag, just cop a feel. You know you like it"

And that treacherous feeling started by Zen got stronger.

"Not here. "

He drove a few streets away and parked in a dark spot.

God, I love it. The wonderful exciting foreplay but I wasn't thinking of him. No! Not Tony!

Home.

I lay on my side of the bed and my husband sullenly on the other. I I thought about Zen, I wondered about him and what he would be like to shag.

.

When we met in the morning, outside the Questura, I suggested that I buy him a drink that evening, as a 'thank you', he refused politely and said that it was unnecessary. I suggested several other days and again he refused, said he was busy.

There was something about the way that he said it.

He knows, he saw me with Tony; he thinks I used him to slip out to meet someone. Well I suppose I did but not as he thinks.

I watched him down through the office and when he left, I went after him. I caught his arm and tried to explain about Tony.

"You don't have to explain; It's none of my business."

"But I want you to know; I met my cousin, he was taking me to meet a lawyer to discuss a separation from my husband. "

He shrugged and went back into his office and I went to mine. I caught his eye but he looked away.

Someone spoke to me, and then my phone rang.

"I find I am not as busy as I thought I was. I can make that drink after all."

"Tonight? After work? Where?"

We arranged to meet on a roof terrace bar where it was unlikely that anyone from work might see us.

We smiled at each other down the length of three offices.

As we met, the evening was turning into that lovely blue of dusk.

"I can't stay long. My husband ..."

We laughed and talked and the time flew. We were so at ease, yet there was a tension between us.

"I must go."I said.

We left the bar and walked through the streets to the taxi rank. As he put me in the cab, I turned back and looked at him. He looked back with a little quizzical smile.

"Are we going to have an affair?" I asked.

I waited.

"Oh yes, I think so."

And I got in my taxi and went home to my husband.

.

.

I was having my pre-work cigarette the next morning, and I saw him go into the coffee bar across the road and I couldn't stop myself. I went to join him. "Good morning, Inspector Zen."

"Good morning Signora Moretti, Coffee?

"No thank you, a word though. "

I moved further back to a corner table at the back of the bar. He joined me; a quick look around and he had me pushed against the wall. I could feel the length of him against me, his chest, his hips, his thighs. His mouth open on mine, his tongue searching for mine, he tasted of cigarettes, orange juice, and toothpaste. He tasted heavenly.

We heard a scrape of a chair and we moved apart fast.

I left first and was at my desk when he came in. We looked at each other down the open length of the offices.

God, I was throbbing,

.

The betting was high. I had all sorts of propositions from drinks, to meals, to, from Vincenzo, an offer to help with my flat situation. He had high family connections so it was a possibility but he _was_ a bit of a slimy bastard.

I relayed this to Zen.

We had had a drink and talking about our situation in his car.

I was pushing him.

"Well! If Vincenzo can get you a flat, take it; but be careful. Knowing him, it will come with strings."

"I know, I know ... Aurelio, can't you do something?"

"I can ask around but ..."

I leaned towards him, stroked his jaw, my mouth making little kisses on his.  
>"Aurelio, I want to have sex with you." My breast brushed against him.<p>

"Thanks very much"

"Don't make fun of me, Aurelio"

I moved again.

"Is that what you think?" and he put his hand on my breast.

Oh I wanted him.

I fought with myself.

"if we are going to have sex, I don't want it in the back of a car. I'm not a teenager."

"I'm a bit past that myself." I could feel him smile against my cheek

"We could get a hotel room"

I pouted.

" I can't do that. I can't get out all night; I won't rent a room for a few hours. I'm not a tart."

"We could go to my place."

"Your mother's there!"

He smiled

"She's a very nice woman. You'd like her. She got on very well with my wife."

Another little smile.

"Better than I did!"

His mouth found mine; I was limp, my mouth working against his. I couldn't stop myself. I opened my blouse. His hand brushed my bra strap down and his fingers were on my nipple stroking, rolling, sending wonderful jolts down me, my mouth was wide, hungry. I wanted him desperately.

He was the one who stopped.

Me! I would have had him there in his car.

In spite of everything I said.

In spite of all my plans.

He moved back in his seat.

"You... **we** deserve better than this, Tania."

.

He was involved in a new case and was called to several times to the Ministry.

Vincenzo Fabri asked me to lunch at one of the swishier restaurants.

I told Aurelio.

Yes, it was to push him a bit further.  
>"Be careful, he always wants something in return." he rubbed his ear; "Er,"<p>

I've noticed he does that when he doesn't know quite what to say.

"I have an appointment with Nadia Pirio. Lunch."

She is an Assistant Attorney in the Attorney General's Department.

A beautiful, cold, hard, ambitious bitch.

"What does she want with you?"

He raised his eyebrows quizzically.

"My body?"

"Humph! I hear she eats men like you for breakfast."

I was our table with Vincenzo, when she swanned in. Aurelio arrived shortly after. They were barely seated when the Minister came in, accompanied by .Amadeo Colonna, his chief of staff.

They stopped briefly to speak to la Pirio and Aurelio.

I chewed this over till Vincenzo said where was I?  
>I smiled at him but my mind was still on the other side of the room.<p>

I had set out to make him jealous but it was I who was jealous.

Aurelio!

I sneaked glances at him.

He's having lunch with _her._

He knows the Minister and Colonna.

Surely one of them could help with a flat.

He could be such a high flier.

If he wanted!

.

The Forlani case that he was working on was wrapped up.

Satisfactorily, he said.

A week or so later, I picked up my phone.

"Can you meet me lunchtime? Something I want you to see?"Aurelio said.

One of the secretaries was standing by me; I glanced up briefly at her and said in a business like tone.

"Of course! And where would that be?"

"My car, across the road, the turning to the left of the coffee bar. 12.15?"

"Yes, that would be fine."

At 12.15, I got into his car and we drove away

"Where are we going, Aurelio?"

"Wait and see!"

So I did. We stopped in a quiet up-market road and he took me into one of the buildings.

Up in the lift to the fourth floor.

Excitement was rising in me!

He stopped in front of a door and put a key in it.

He led me from kitchen, to dining room, to a living room with a balcony and view over the city. All elegantly furnished.

I looked questioningly at him.

"Yours," he said, "for as long as you want it."

He held up the keys to show me and then dropped them on the side table.

I turned slowly around looking at it.

"Is there a bedroom?" I asked coolly.

"Um ...um... I think so." he said laughing and grabbed my hand and we fled there

We didn't undress but collapsed on the bed, mouths greedy for each other. We ripped open buttons and zips pulling at clothes, hands on each other roughly, wildly, demanding:.

We didn't need foreplay; we had been waiting for long enough.

"God! God! Condom!"

He was rummaging in his jacket pocket.

"No! No need. I'm on the pill. God! Now! Aurelio!"

And he was in me, his hands on my breasts and I was moaning. I was losing control, slipping... God, don't stop and I could feeling it rising in me, my climax, his powerful thrusts, then a great hard surge and we lay gasping and laughing. I grabbed his face and gave him a big noisy kiss.

"That was wonderful!"

"Oh!" he said, in an actorish sort of voice. "Did the earth move for you, darling?"

"Yes," I shouted. "Did it move for you?"

"Well, either that or we fell off the bed."

We laughed.

"Oh God I could murder a coffee and a cigarette. Aurelio, where did I leave my bag?"

"I've got a pack here in my pocket and my lighter. Oh!"

A little hiccup of laughter came from him.

"They're a bit squashed."

"What do you expect? You didn't take your pants off."

"Never mind, they will taste the same. I brought coffee, milk and sugar but I don't know if here's a kettle or a pan to make it in."

"Did you?" I leaned over him and kissed him." You are a wonderful man." He stuck two bent and battered cigarettes in his mouth, lit them, then put one in mine.

"What time do you have to be back?"

"Two."

"I have to see someone at the Ministry at three. Will I see you tonight?"

"I have to go home."

"Will you move in tonight?"

"I think... tomorrow... Luca goes to work Saturday morning, I can pack and leave before he comes back. I will leave a note. He would never let me go if he was there..."

"Do you need help?"

I smiled a little doubtful smile. "No, Aurelio, no. It is better this way."

I got up.

"God Almighty, how can we go back to work like this? We need to wash. Our clothes, they look ragbags."

"There is water, cold but water, no soap, no towels "

"I will have to take my panties off, they are um ... I can't wear them like ..."

"Go without!" He smirked, a dirty little grin. "I will think of it all afternoon."

I managed to splash some water over my face and dried it with my hankie. I was brushing my hair when I saw him; still sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at his cigarette.

"What is it, Aurelio?"

He shrugged." Nothing."

There was something. I knelt in front of him.

"Aurelio?"

He looked at me, and then studied his cigarette again.

"It's the first time I've committed adultery."

The first time? He hadn't done it since...?

"You've been separated, how long? "

"Separated but still married."

I touched his hair.

"You're not sorry?"

He looked at me with those beautiful green eyes for a long moment and slowly shook his head.

We exchanged glances down through the open office doors, throughout the afternoon till he had to go out.

At home that evening, I sneaked things into bags and hid them.

In the morning after Luca had left, it took very little time to finish and call a taxi.

I dropped the bags off and went out and bought some food, a kettle, towels and bed linen. I could get the rest again

It was early evening when the doorbell rang. I looked through the security hole; I could see no-one. I put the chain on and opened the door.

It was Zen.

"Haven't you got a key?"

He lifted his key ring to show me that he had.

"It's your place. It is right that I should ring; at least the first time."

He pulled me to him; my mouth under his and I melted into him.

My lips inches from his. I said "Coffee?" shakily.

He raised his eyebrows at me. "I can think of better things."

We looked at each other not quite smiling. I took his hand and led him into the bedroom.

"I need the bathroom. " I said.

There, I undressed to my undies, and sprayed and powdered myself; stepped back into my four inch heels, then went back to him.

.

I stood in front of the mirror in the bedroom of my new flat and looked at my equally new lover

He was lying propped up on one elbow, watching me.

He had undressed to his under wear too.

God he was so beautiful.

Holding his eyes in the mirror, I undid my bra and dropped it on the floor

Still watching him in the mirror I slowly began circling my nipples.

He watched me.

"If you come here I could do that for you." He voice was husky.

I turned on the balls of my feet to face him, so my legs were crossed and I continued to circle my nipples. He held out his hand to me. The bulge in his crotch had grown.

I paused, then went slowly to him. I knelt on one knee beside him. My breasts hung over him. He cupped them, and then began circling my nipples running his fingertips softly over them until I gasped. They were aching for his touch. I moaned again. He slid his hands down over my waist down to my hips,

Holding the cheeks of my bottom, stroking .squeezing.

I felt as though I was drowning in his eyes. green, green. I bent my head to kiss him. At the touch of our lips his tongue slid into my mouth and found mine. The taste of him, cigarettes, coffee and that something that was just him. His tongue; the feel of it against mine; his hands, fingers, my fingers in his hair. The world was swirling around us, my body demanding, throbbing , beating to a drum that was only ours.

"Fuck me Aurelio"

"I am going to." He tightened his arms around me and I fell onto him

Oh! His body felt so good. There were little jerks between us, between our hips.

He turned us onto our sides and whispered against my throat.

"Go on, Tania"

I pulled his vest off then pushed his shorts down.

God, it was beautiful, and big and hard and ready to play.

I closed my eyes and thought about it going into me

His mouth, his tongue in mine, drawing, sucking my tongue into his. His hands stroking my back, down my spine, inside my panties, pushing them down, tugging them off, he rolled us onto our side. I had his cock in my hand and it was so hard and yet so soft, velvet soft, I cupped his balls, they were full and heavy, I could feel my juice, he was stroking and pressing my mound. The heel of his palm rested on it, and his middle finger slid inside my lips and found my clit. I gasped into his mouth. I was so hot for him..

I soon settled into my apartment. It was everything I ever wanted. I paid no rent and I asked no questions; I assumed someone was doing a favour.

When I lived with Luca, he paid the rent, and gave me housekeeping, and my salary was mine to do what I wanted. I thought if Aurelio moved in, he could help with the running costs; then I could afford better clothes; things more in keeping with where I lived now.

He was reluctant; his mother, their apartment. He could spare a little money if I needed it.

"You are not ready to commit." I said sulkily

He was quiet.

"My wife wants a divorce. She wants to get married again."

"Well?"

"It is so final."

"That's what divorce is. Isn't it? Aurelio? Final? "

"Hmm. It is admitting you've failed."

"Hah"! I exploded. "Tell me when you have decided what you want to do".

I stormed off.

Things could be so good. We could have such a good life.

.

If only he would speak to some of his connections about promotion. The superintendent was ill; perhaps he could act up, then if the super didn't come back, perhaps?

He smiled sceptically when I said this to him.

A new super was appointed.

Hueber.

Hueber was making everyone's life a misery, particularly Aurelio's.

Even more so, when Hueber was called to the Ministry and told to bring Aurelio with him.

There was a case they wanted him to handle and Hueber was not told what it was.

He was foul. To everyone.

Aurelio could not tell me about the case; he was tight lipped and I knew he was brooding bout it.

I was shutting down my computer to go home .It was late and everyone had gone home

Most of the lights were out. I saw Aurelio sitting at his desk in the light of his desk lamp, his head resting on his hands.

I bit my lip. I had been a right bitch over the last few days.

This morning he wanted to talk about Luca. "You never mention him."

"Why, why should I? Do you talk about your wife? "

I turned away from him.

He got out of bed, then turned back.

"Is this the end of an affair? Or is it the start of a relationship?"

"I don't know. Perhaps it is both."

I didn't know how I felt

Were things not working out how I thought?

I don't know.

He had been at the Ministry all afternoon.

What _was_ it about this case?

I went to him. I touched his hair

"Aurelio?"

He turned and rested his head against me.

"What is it?" He shook his head.

"This case?"

He sighed.

"I can't tell you Tania, not now. Not yet. Maybe in a few days."

To make him smile, I said "You should be glad you weren't here this afternoon. Hueber was off again about immorality and sex in the workplace."

He gave a little smile, "We've never had sex in the workplace."

"Not yet!"

I held him. I whispered "Want to have sex? Come on! I want to. I want to do it on Hueber's desk. "

The surprise on his face made me laugh and I pulled him out of his chair and we went into Hueber's office.

I don't know how they make furniture these days because we had hardly started when the bloody thing collapsed.

That didn't stop us and very satisfactory it was, too.

I helped him to put it back together afterwards.

It didn't look very good to me.

"We don't know anything about it, Tania." he said to me.

He was at the Ministry again the next day.

He stayed with me the next four nights.

He came to the flat in the early evening, he was carrying a briefcase.

"This case I'm on; it is the Miletti kidnapping case. They want me to be the carrier."

I caught my breath. Paying ransoms is illegal in our country, with jail sentences for anyone involved. If they want him to do it, it is because they need a patsy if anything goes wrong.

"But they can't ask you. You're a policeman. "

"It's the Ministry who are asking. Telling me."

We looked at each other. And he pulled the briefcase to him.

"This is it. Five million Euros. Do you want to see what five million looks like?" and he emptied it out onto the floor.

I have never seen so much money.

"The Milettis are expecting them to ring tomorrow telling them the drop off point."

God! Suddenly, I felt hot.

"Aurelio" I breathed. "Let's do it. On the money! Come on, let's do it."

He laughed, the first time I had seen him laugh in days.

And we did.

"Whose idea was it?" I said to him later. We were sitting on the money in our underwear.

"The orders came from the Minister, but it was Colonna who set it up and gave me the money from some slush fund."

"But what if you get caught?"

"If I do, you may be sure they won't be connected. Do you know, Tania, I didn't even have to sign for it."

"You didn't?"

He shook his head slowly.

"You could do a bunk with it. Just think what we could do."

"Yeah, we could walk out of here. Get on a train. No proof."

"You could go and say goodbye to Mama, and we could be gone. Anywhere."

Suddenly I wasn't joking, and he knew it. He knew he only had to say the word.

He got up and went to the window.

And I knew then I that he never would.

Deflated, sick with disappointment, I sat in all that money.

"It is not ours, Tania".

"They would drop you in it without a thought."

"It isn't ours."

I joined him at the window and put my arms around him. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Aurelio" I stopped. "They shot the last carrier." I murmured.

"I know."

My mouth against his shoulder blade, I said "Do you know what you are doing?"

"No."

He went to kneel beside the money and started to pack it back into the case.

"I've got to go out. "

He dressed and left taking the case with him.

Perhaps he didn't trust me.

Perhaps he was right.

He didn't come back to me that night. When I went into work in the morning, I found out why.

Hueber had arrested him. It had been a set up, or someone had informed.

He had been in a cell all night and the Minister was there and Colonna, both looking grey and strained.

.

Then it was over and he arrived at his desk, whistling tunelessly, his beautiful face bruised and grazed.

I could hear the other detectives.

"We thought we'd seen the last of you. Thought you'd gone down".

"What for?" he said.

"You know."

"What about the money?"

Surprised, he said "What money?"

Later, he told me that when Hueber had accused him and had insisted on him opening the case, there was only bits of newspaper and magazines in it.

"Where's the money Aurelio?" I asked.

"Money?" then he smiled and tapped his nose.

Hueber was near incandescent with rage and frustration.

He didn't mention his false charges against Aurelio, and he didn't mention his broken desk. Everyone had denied all knowledge of that and was laughing behind his back.

.

In the afternoon I went to the Separation and Reconciliation tribunal with Luca.

It was dreadful: the things his lawyer said. Luca had no intentions of making things easy for me

That evening, Aurelio and I went out for a meal and were walking back to his car.

In spite of everything, we were happier than we had been for days. We got in his car and he leaned to kiss me when the rear window imploded. Without knowing what we were doing, we were out of the car.

Someone jumped out from the rear of the car behind us. Someone with a gun.

Aurelio pushed me behind him. He thought it was someone from the kidnap gang but I knew.  
>It was Luca<p>

He hesitated, pointing first at Aurelio, then at me. Then he turned the gun and shot himself.

I went with Luca in the ambulance.

The next few days were terrible. The fear and worry, the police, the ambulance and medics, reporters.

The guilt, the shame, and humiliation

Luca would live; he was badly injured but he would live.

I didn't see Aurelio. I was at the hospital.

I had time to think.

I heard first that Hueber was sacking both of us.

I didn't care.

Then the Minister stepped in and re-instated him.

Later again, I heard that Miletti had been found dead. Then suddenly, everything was wound up.

The family had done it, of course.

Where did the money go?

I assumed that Colonna had it back, if the kidnappers didn't have it.

One thing I knew; Aurelio didn't have it.

Then I heard Colonna had stepped in with something on Hueber and he was moved to another department, out of Rome.

It didn't matter to me.

I was not going back.

I left most of my bags with the concierge and gave him the keys to the flat. I told him I would pick up the bags later and then ran down the three steps to the waiting taxi. The cobbled road was wet and the yellow light of the taxi sign was reflected in it.

I was getting in the car when something made me turn. He was standing about ten paces away in the shadows.

I hesitated and then went to him.

"You were going?"

"I must...he is ... he is my husband... I have blamed him for everything. Not enough money, not good enough job, flat, blamed everything except me. I am going to stay with my mother for a while. I must think."

"Without saying Goodbye?"

I bit my lip and lowered my head.

"Will I see you again?"

"Yes ...of course..."

Then" Maybe. not..."

We looked at each other.

Then he said "Ciao, Tania."

I turned and ran back to the waiting car and got in.

I wiped the rain from my face.

I had to leave, I told myself.

I love my husband more than Zen.

Don't I?

Don't I?

If I stayed even only one more day, I would have loved Zen more.

I wiped my face again but it wasn't the bloody rain that kept coming, rolling down my cheeks.

The car started; I did not look back, though I knew he was still there.

I whispered "Addio, Zen."

.


End file.
